you turned your livingroom into a bong?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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