walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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