Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my shit smells like andre
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
