how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize