No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
