Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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