I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
