I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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