there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize