You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
