Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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