So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
