I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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