Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
