then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
