there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
