Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Let's get the cat blown out
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
