What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize