More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
