I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
