well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
