I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
