Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
