You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
