Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
