I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
