When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My vagina just clenched in fear
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
