If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
