Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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