I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
