I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
