Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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