Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
