Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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