Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
