if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
