Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
