i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
