He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
