Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
