when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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