She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
