You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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