I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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