my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
