So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
