like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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