You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
