a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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