and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
