You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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