CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
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