My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
