I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
