if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
