my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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