no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
