Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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