He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
