He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Ladies don't puke and tell
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
