If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
