I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
