so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize