hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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